Being Selfish or Selfless
Why not both?
In a world that constantly pulls us in different directions, we’re often told to either “put others first” or to “focus on yourself.”
It’s as if life is a coin with only two sides—selfishness and selflessness—and we’re expected to pick one. But what if the key isn’t choosing one over the other? What if the secret to a balanced, fulfilling life is learning to embrace *both*?
(This is me standing on a very neutral ground like a philosopher carefully analyzing and redefining an idea just so we can find meaningful purpose and understanding in a perspective of life.)
Let’s talk about it.
The Spectrum of Being Human
We’re all wired with both selfish and selfless instincts. Think about it: the part of you that craves success and personal happiness is just as valid as the part of you that wants to show up for loved ones and give back to your community. These aren’t contradictions; they’re complementary pieces of what makes us human.
Yet, society has conditioned us to feel guilty for leaning too far in either direction. If you prioritize yourself, you’re labeled “selfish.” If you give too much, people may see you as a doormat and try to walk all over you.
But the truth is, life isn’t about extremes—it’s about balance.
Balance between every two or more activities, involvement and behavior you play out in life.
When You Can Be Selfish
Being selfish gets a bad rap, but there’s beauty in it when done with utmost intention. Think of selfishness as self-preservation. It’s choosing to put your oxygen mask on first so you can breathe before helping others.
You can't be gasping for breath and giving out air.
Here’s when you *should* let your selfish side take the lead:
1. When You’re Burnt Out:
Running on empty batteries helps no one.
Taking time out to recharge—whether it’s a weekend away, saying no to plans, or just some quiet moments—isn’t selfish; it’s necessary.
Listen, we’re all out in this wild (life) to survive.
You get defeated when you don’t have power fueling your existence. It is a different type of power you get when you recharge silently and carefully. It has a better duration than other forms of recharging.
2. When You Have Goals:
Dreams don’t build themselves. Sometimes, you need to say no to distractions and yes to what moves you closer to the life you envision.
It is either the two letter word “NO” or the three letter word “YES”
3. When Boundaries Are Needed:
Not everyone deserves unlimited access to your energy. Saying no doesn’t make you unkind; it makes you wise.
There are people who should have limits to accessing you, just as you’re limited to accessing people in some areas. (Pretty sure you know that is not selfish for a substantial relationship.)
When You Should Be Selfless
Selflessness isn’t about ignoring your own needs; it’s about recognizing when others need you more. Being selfless connects us to something greater than ourselves. It’s what builds relationships, communities, and even legacies.
Here’s when your selfless side should shine:
1. When Others Need Support:
A kind word or a helping hand can transform someone’s day—or even their life.
Sometimes it just takes you smiling back at someone and their life feels good.
2. In Meaningful Relationships:
Whether it’s being there for a friend, supporting a partner, or helping a stranger, showing up for others strengthens the fabric of our shared humanity.
3. When It Feels right :
Giving feels most rewarding when it resonates with who you are and what you stand for.
You know when it feels right without feeling like a doormat.
How You Can Balance Both
Here’s the thing: being selfish and selfless isn’t an either-or scenario. It’s more like a dance. Some days, you’ll need to focus on yourself; other days, the world will need you to show up for it. Both are equally important.
The magic happens when you learn to navigate this balance. You don’t have to feel guilty for taking care of yourself, nor do you need to fear losing yourself in helping others. When you honor both sides of your nature, you become more fulfilled—and more capable of making a meaningful impact.
Instead of asking, “Am I being too selfish or too selfless?” try asking, “What’s needed at this moment?”
Sometimes, the answer will be to prioritize yourself. Other times, it’ll be to put someone else first. And when you get it right, you’ll find that both selfishness and selflessness serve the same purpose: living a life of intention and purpose.
You don’t have to choose between being selfish or selfless—you can be both.
In fact, you already are.
The real challenge is figuring out when to lean into each side and learning to do so without guilt or hesitation.
So, next time you feel pulled in two directions, remind yourself: it’s okay to take care of yourself, and it’s okay to give to others.
The art of life lies in knowing when to do each—and doing it with love.